Google Vows to Tidy Up Its Mess – But Don’t Count on It… ‘Til the 2030s
Right then, let’s dive in. Google’s been yapping like an old bloke at the pub about becoming carbon neutral through *carbon removal credits*. I’m already rolling my eyes. Apparently, the crew at Google believe they’ll kick things off with a direct air capture startup known as Holocene. But get this – they’re not even beginning until the darn 2030s! So, we’ve got another decade of nonsense to anticipate. Brilliant.
What’s the Deal with Direct Air Capture?
First things first, direct air capture isn’t some futuristic nonsense. It’s essentially large machines that draw in air and filter out all the CO2, much like a chicken in the kitchen picking crumbs off the floor. Straightforward concept, right? It’s cleaner than your average Saturday night out, but it’s still in its infancy regarding scale.
And who’s stepping in to assist Google with this? A company called Holocene. Google’s all pleased with themselves, thinking they’re doing the world a massive solid by purchasing ‘carbon removal credits’ from them. It’s akin to hiring someone else to clean up your dog’s mess from your yard. Not exactly hands-on, is it?
2030s? You’ve Got to Be Kidding
Aye, you heard it correctly – Google’s gearing up to roll this whole operation out in the 2030s. So, let me clarify: we’ve got yet another decade of Google servers spewing emissions while they sit around doing nothing. Spot on, lads. Why not just kick things off now, eh? I mean, you’re Google. You’ve got more money than a bookie after a big football weekend. But nah, let’s sit tight. Who needs a livable planet anyway?
To be honest, I’m not astonished. Big tech adores a bit of buzzword bingo: “green” this, “sustainable” that. But when it comes to actually taking action? Aye, they’re slower than a Metro when it drizzles.
Holocene: Google’s Latest Eco Buddy
Holocene’s the selected startup to assist Google in cleaning up their act. They’re hyping up their direct air capture tech like it’s the second coming. Supposedly, they extract CO2 straight from the atmosphere and store it away – a bit like hiding your gran’s sweets on a high shelf. The downside is, these machines aren’t as large or plentiful as they need to be to make a difference just yet.
And fair play, maybe Holocene will pull it off someday. But by the time they do, I’ll be grey, and there’s a good chance the Tyne will have risen to the point I’ll need a raft to commute.
The Price of Carbon Credits
Of course, none of this comes inexpensively. Google’s talking about purchasing these carbon removal credits as if they’re a packet of crisps. But I’m telling you, this isn’t just spare change. It’s pricey, and we’ll likely end up covering the cost, either through more ads shoved in our faces or them charging for a Gmail account one day. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Talk is Affordable, Google – But Action Comes at a Cost
Ah, Google. Pros at making noise and stalling when it’s time to act. They make it sound like they’re the protectors of the planet with all this eco chat, but what’s the plan? Wait around for technology to drop in price, probably, and hope no one notices they’re still belching out emissions like a wrecked exhaust pipe.
Look, I get it: technology takes time, and we might not have the ultimate solution yet. But telling us you’re not even going to begin for another ten years? It’s like handing us a bin bag and saying to wait until it’s stuffed before you’ll take it away. No wonder people are doubtful.
Summary – “Just Put the Kettle On, We’re Waiting For Google”
Well, there you go. Another day, another tech giant making promises it won’t follow through on for ages. Google, with all its billions, can’t even be bothered to make a dent in its carbon footprint until the next decade. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left twiddling our thumbs, waiting for them to get their act together. I reckon we’ll see flying cars before we see Google clean up its act.
Mountain View supports startup Holocene, aiming to reduce emissions costs
Google plans to acquire carbon removal credits from a direct air capture provider to help mitigate its greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions, although the project isn’t set to start until the next decade…
Enjoy this little rant brought to you by yours truly, **GadgetLad** 😘
