Space Lads Gannin All Techno in Orbit
Right, so there’s this American crew called Axiom Space thinking they’ll launch two huge data centres into low Earth orbit by 2025. You heard that right. Data centres. In flaming SPAAAACE. Just when you thought the cloud was already bonkers, now it’s literally leaving the planet. Can’t wait for the day me VPN tells me I’m connected via flaming Mars.
Aye, it’s bold talk, but if anyone’s bonkers enough to give it a go – it’s the type that wears spacesuits to work and actually earns a wage for it.
What in the Hell’s an Orbital Data Centre?
Space: now with kilobytes
So, they’re naming these things Orbital Data Center nodes – ODCs if you’re one of those abbreviation-happy folks who think everyone else in IT knows acronyms by osmosis. They’re set to float around in low Earth orbit (LEO, if you’re scoring at home), pumping out computing power like they’re on steroids.
Basically, imagine AWS or Azure, but instead of drawing power from some sweaty server room in Milton Keynes, it’s orbiting right above your head. Probably boasting about the view while it’s at it.
Why Put a Server Room in Space?
Aye, I had the same question. Is this just a massive flex? Maybe. But Axiom claims it’s all about edge computing from actual space, which, if I’m honest, sounds like the most ludicrous sales pitch since someone tried to sell us on a curved telly.
Apparently, these space servers will assist with low-latency communications, improved disaster recovery (assuming your planet isn’t in pieces), and quicker data relay across hemispheres. I dunno, mate, sounds a tad excessive to us. But hey, if they can stop Netflix from buffering during Love Island, then launch away.
Who’s Minding the Shop in Orbit?
NASA’s ex-besties doing moonlighting gigs
Turns out the crew at Axiom Space are former NASA engineers and astronauts, now moonlighting as space property owners. Honestly, the resumes on these lads would make you queasy. “Oh aye, I spent 18 months on the ISS doing science while eating soup that used to be powder.” Meanwhile, I freak out if I lose me USB drive.
These guys say the data centres will be fully automated with AI running the show. So basically, it’s just HAL from 2001, hoping it doesn’t lock you out while jamming to Prog Rock.
Is This Gonna Work, Like?
IT support, but from 400km up
See, here’s where it gets silly. If one of these buggers crashes, you’re not exactly sending Dave from IT up in a space lift with a can of WD-40. Plus, the radiation in space makes regular CPUs weep for their mothers. That means they need to use hardened hardware, which doesn’t come cheap and certainly doesn’t perform like your gaming rig.
Oh, and don’t forget about space debris. One rogue bolt zipping around at 17,500mph, and your precious floating server is now cosmic scrap. It’s like running your business from the middle of rush hour on the M25 — except it’s all in zero-g and nobody’s got RAC cover.
What’s GadgetLad Reckon?
Look, the notion of orbiting data centres tickles me inner nerd just enough to say I’m curious, but I wouldn’t wager me dog’s dinner on it just yet. It’s big bucks. Big risk. And big bloody hassle when something goes south. Can’t just reboot it with a firm whack and a muttered curse like I do with me NAS box.
Still, if they pull it off, we’ll be looking at a whole new era of digital infrastructure. It’ll feel like discovering your favourite greasy spoon now serves Michelin-star full English. Bit bewildering at first, but bloody impressive if it turns out right.
They’re not the only ones dreaming of servers in space, though. Microsoft already lobbed a datacentre into the sea like a techy message in a bottle. The next logical leap? The stars, apparently.
Yep. It’s Axiom’s datacentres in SPAAAAACE
If you’ve ever sat there gazing at your router pondering why your internet crawls slower than a pensioner on a scooter, then maybe orbiting servers can save the day. Or maybe, just maybe, they’ll make things worse, and we’ll be watching buffering wheels drift by the ISS.
One thing’s certain: tech lads never stop trying to outdo themselves. I’ll be keeping an eye on this space (aye, pun absolutely intended), and if it all heads south, you’ll hear about it right here on GadgetLad. Probably with a few profanities and a picture of my Jack Russell giving it the side-eye.
In the meantime, I’ll stick to servers that don’t require a rocket launch for a firmware update.
Check back on gadgetlad.co.uk for all the other wild escapades the tech world hurls into orbit next.
Cheers and stay grumpy,
GadgetLad 🚀
