Tech Pranks Level: Billionaire Babble on the Bleedin’ Crosswalk
I’ve encountered some right silly things in my day—Bluetooth toasters, fancy kettles that fail to boil properly, and Alexa still struggling with Geordie accents (get it sorted, Amazon), but this one takes the cake. Some absolute genius (or several) have been tampering with pedestrian crossing boxes in the States, so instead of the typical robotic “Wait to cross”—you’re treated to none other than the AI-generated voices of billionaires like Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and our beloved social media robot, Mark Zuckerberg.
And let me tell you, it’s brilliant, absurd, and somewhat unsettling all at the same time.
Bezos Says Cross! Musk Tells Ye to Wait! Zuckerberg’s Dead Inside!
So aye, in the last week or so, these AI-spoofed voices have been coming out of the wee speakers inside yank crosswalk buttons. Instead of the routine “Wait…” they’ve been saying things like “It is now safe to cross the street… like a boss,” in a lifeless Zuckerberg lilt or Elon’s bizarre Bond villain intonation.
Apparently, some clever sod has reprogrammed the devices using text-to-speech software and uploaded their own files onto the hardware. It could be local, it could be remote access—regardless, someone’s had a few pints and gone full Skynet on public infrastructure. Respect.
Here’s the likely method, pet:
– Crosswalk boxes in the US frequently utilize programmable message systems. Most are equipped with speakers and some form of computer interface.
– If the box has questionable or nonexistent security (which, let’s be honest, many do), it’s child’s play to access the audio files.
– Swap the default voice prompts with AI-generated ones from ElevenLabs or whatever deepfake tech is hot this month.
– Sit back, record passersby losing it when Bezos urges them to cross responsibly, and upload it to TikTok for clout and/or legal repercussions.
Honestly, it’s probably easier to accomplish than getting ChatGPT to deliver a Geordie joke properly. (Spoiler: it still can’t.)
Why This Is Equal Parts Hilarious and Horrific
Right, let’s start with the obvious: this is top-tier banter at a tech level worthy of applause. Hearing Zuck’s soulless robot voice emanating from a municipal bollard is the kind of absurdity we internet veterans cherish. But also…it’s a bit dodgy, innit?
You’ve got the potential for misinformation, public confusion, and some poor bugger wandering into traffic because they trusted a crosswalk narrated by a faux Elon Musk to “YOLO across now.”
That said, it shows—yet again—that public-facing technology is alarmingly open to exploitation, and no one’s bothered to rectify it. If some lad with a Raspberry Pi and a late-night energy drink binge can reprogram public safety signals, what’s next? AI Boris Johnson giving you reminders for bin day?
Tech Companies Be Like: “Oh Nooo, How Did This Happen?”
As per usual, the firms behind this kind of tech are acting shocked. “We didn’t know it could do that! No one’s ever attempted to reprogram public audio systems before!” they lament, clutching their pearls and feigning ignorance after neglecting basic security principles for a decade.
Let me illustrate for you: these boxes are essentially just small embedded systems with poorly secured update mechanisms. Login admin:admin. FTP fully open. Software created in 2009 and never patched. And now they’re the voice of bloody Zuckerberg, instructing your gran when to cross the road.
If that doesn’t illustrate the state of public infrastructure perfectly, I don’t know what will.
The Lesson: Patch Yer Stuff, and Don’t Let Tech Get Boring
To be clear, I’m not advocating for you to go out and hack your local zebra crossing. But I will say this—if your critical infrastructure can be taken over by some prankster who’s halfway through a bag of Doritos, maybe it’s time to reconsider your cybersecurity, pet.
Also—hats off to whoever pulled this off. You’ve transformed the act of crossing the street into a tech event. That’s more than the last three Apple keynotes managed, and they had drones and Jony Ive’s ghost whispering about “aluminium.”
AI-spoofed Mark joins fellow billionaires as the voice of the street – here’s how it was probably done
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Summary
The Zuck Stops Here
It turns out it’s incredibly easy to make a crosswalk sound like Zuck—and if that doesn’t encapsulate both the absurdity and vulnerability of tech in 2024, nowt will. If you see a pelican crossing suddenly instructing you to “engage your locomotion protocol,” just chuckle… and maybe inform the council.
More madness at GadgetLad – where we say it like it is, whether it’s bollard banter or Bezos babble.
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